Jamie's Story

Dear Friend,

I don’t know about you, but when most people think of hospice, they think of death and dying. Nothing more.

They don’t know the full story.
They don’t know the moments of tremendous beauty.

I’m writing to share with you a special story, which I’ll never forget. It’s about a young patient, Jamie, and her family.

As you read on, I ask you to hold this question in your heart: will you make a heartfelt donation to provide care and support to patients and their families, like Jamie’s, who are travelling the journey of terminal illness?

Jamie’s story.

At Tōtara Hospice in her bed, in the centre of a lovely big room, lies Jamie. She’s 21. For the past seven years, Jamie has been battling a debilitating neurological condition that causes seizures. She fights on bravely. If she fusses, it’s about whether her visitors are comfortable. But lately, she mostly sleeps. 

Hovering nearby is Jamie’s mum, Kylie. She smiles as she chats to her daughter, fixing her hair, making sure she’s comfortable in her bed. But lately, Jamie rarely says a word in return. 

Her whānau gather round. Nana’s there and Kylie’s niece, Honey. So are Jamie’s younger sister and brother, and dad in his wheelchair. As if sensing that this moment is different, Honey begins to sing. The rest of the family fall quiet, lost in thought. 

When the song is over, Jamie’s eyes flutter open. Time seems to stop. The family hold their breath. Jamie is about to say something…

Weakly, Jamie declares, “That was beautiful.” All too soon, Jamie takes her final breath.

Beautiful indeed—and that was Jamie.

It was “so Jamie”—being her true self to the very end. But what if Kylie and her family had been unable to care for her properly? What if Jamie had remained in a hospital ward, cramped, stressed, and surrounded by hustle and bustle, with her specialist palliative needs not met adequately? We know that people who are near death struggle to be at ease when their family are struggling too… It pains them till the bitter end. Allow me to explain with a BEFORE and AFTER.

BEFORE: “We didn’t know any different.”-Kylie

In hospital:
Before Tōtara Hospice was recommended to Kylie, Jamie received years of hospital care. In hospital, the doctors, nurses, and staff were dedicated, but they were spread thin. The hospital was loud and busy, not ideal for regular long-term stays. Not good for Jamie, who needed continual sleep. Nor for her dad, Rob, who found it difficult to be there for long periods in his wheelchair. And not good for Kylie, who had no place to spend the night—she often slept in the hospital bed with Jamie. The environment struggled to meet Jamie’s overall palliative care needs.

This is where so many families like Kylie’s are right now. They’re struggling to find dignity and comfort for their terminally ill loved one. They need someone like you to help make it happen. Will you please be there for them today?

AFTER: “I just wish we had gone there earlier.”-Kylie

At Tōtara Hospice:
Jamie arrived at Tōtara Hospice on the 4th of April. She died on the 14th of April. Not long, relatively speaking. But for Kylie and her family, it was 10 days they will treasure forever.

“I just wish we had gone there earlier,” reflects Kylie.

For so many reasons.

The care was above and beyond.

The family’s every need was tended to with compassion and grace. With genuine care and support for all involved. Their care team were always on hand when needed, taking time to explain what was happening and answering any questions. It was the thoughtful details that made all the difference, such as Kylie having her own bed in Jamie’s room, and meals prepared for her, so she didn’t need to think about those practicalities. 

“Hospice is special because they look after the wellbeing of everyone. The care and support are just amazing,” explains Kylie.

The accommodation was perfect for the entire family.

Jamie’s room at Tōtara was large enough to accommodate the entire family. Dad in his wheelchair had plenty of room. The gorgeous grounds provided a sense of peace for all. And the kids could scooter just outside, within line of sight. Even the dog was there. That extra bit of normality was invaluable.

The experience was transformative.

For so long, Kylie had worried about Jamie in hospital. Hospitals are typically all too much or not enough. Too much noise and rushing; not enough quiet and respite. But at Tōtara, that all changed.

“Everything was right,” says Kylie.

The family’s perspective on death and dying went from one of dread to one of profound acceptance and gratitude.

Can you imagine how much this means to them going forward?

Can you imagine the dignity, the rightness, the sense of closure?

I hope you can.

And I trust you agree that all patients and families need and deserve this.

It’s why I ask again: Please will you hold all this in your heart as you consider making a gift to help someone like Jamie and her family receive the care, comfort, and support they so desperately need right now? 

When I think of this story, I think of Jamie, of course, but the first person that actually comes to my mind is Kylie, her eyes misty with tears of gratitude.

Why Kylie? you might ask.

Because the impact of Tōtara’s support for Jamie and the whole family helped her through. It continues to help her and her family today. Kylie’s story is still being written. And her family’s time at Tōtara Hospice was a turning point for her. 

You can be a turning point for a family that’s grieving right now. With your care and compassion, you can help them chart a new course with dignity.​

It really is that simple and that urgent.

It’s why Kylie now says, “I’m so glad it was at Tōtara Hospice where Jamie spent her final days and where she passed. Nothing was scary. If it had been at home, I would have been worried about the family, the dishes, all that sort of stuff. I needed that time. 

All families need that. At Tōtara, the whole family will get the care, not just the patient.”

With your generosity, that’s what you can do for families.

Death doesn’t discriminate, it comes to all regardless of age, wealth, creed or circumstance. Every person, every family at a point in time, will need care or support for a loved one, just like Kylie and her family did.

Kylie no longer associates hospice with merely “the end”. It’s an end, yes, truly…but also a beginning for the rest of the family. For families at Tōtara Hospice, the care their loved one receives in their last months, their last days, their last moments is not just a change of place—it’s a change of direction.

Toward healing.

Toward making the most of the rest of one’s own story. Thank you for caring enough to read this far and putting yourself in Jamie and Kylie’s shoes for a brief time. Please take a moment now to make a gift that could make all the difference for a family like Jamie and Kylie’s. You can make an impact even faster by giving at hospice.co.nz/donate. You’ll be so glad you’ve provided a family in their darkest hour with much-needed care, comfort and support. 

 

Ngā mihi nui,